Give your child emotional commitment

by Mommy & Me


Spend focused time with child early on, and you'll lay the groundwork for a lifelong relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. All children face social, academic, athletic, and personal challenges as they grow. You will want you child to feel comfortable confiding in you, and you'll want to be able to communicate honestly with him or her in return. To get to that point, you must invest the time now, while your child is young. Although it is never too late to start building trust, the sooner you begin, the stronger the bond between you and your child will be.

The mothers who come to my classes are well aware of the challenges of raising children. "I want to be a good mother," they'll announce. I tell them that I agree with child psychologist D.W. Winnicott, who said that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but that most of us are "good enough." Instead of trying to be perfect, I encourage parents to aim for emotional commitment by following these simple guidelines:

1. Say "I love you" to your child at least once a day. Remember those bumper stickers that asked, "Have you hugged your kid today?" Make sure your answer is always “Yes!”
2. Encourage your child's efforts in constructive activities, and praise him or her frequently.
3. Observe your child. Notice his or her likes and dislikes, and talk to your child about them.
   Help your child cultivate new skills and interests. With so much media available, it's up to parents to make sure their children have hobbies that don't require a mouse or a remote control. Children who can't entertain themselves are easily bored, and bored children often get into trouble.
4. Involve yourself in your child's life: learn the names of his or her daycare friends, get to know his or her teacher, ask about a picture he or she drew. Show that you're interested in your child’s world.
5. Most of all, give your child your undivided attention for a certain amount of time every day. When your child sees that you are truly interested in him or her, your child will feel valued.

None of us is going to be a perfect parent. We'll all yell at our child (sometimes in public), make promises we can't keep, and tally up our mistakes in the dead of night. Think of these guidelines as preventive medicine to help keep your relationship with your child healthy!